


How to Rule a Country or Run a Brothel

by AndreaDTX



Category: King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 00:11:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11817126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreaDTX/pseuds/AndreaDTX
Summary: Basically they're the same thing if you really think about it.





	How to Rule a Country or Run a Brothel

**Author's Note:**

> My first crack at first person. As always, I don't speak British English or Arthurian English. Google and I did our best.

“How to Rule a Country” or “How to Run a Brothel”

_My loyal subjects would keel over in shock if they knew how similar running the country is to living and working in a brothel. Don’t think they have much in common? I’ll show you._

When dealing with male callers/ courtesan ladies/ loyal subjects: 

**Most disputes can be solved with a timely compliment.** People want to feel important and know that you hear them. Whether it’s telling someone they’re the best lover you’ve ever had, they’re the prettiest lass you’ve ever seen, or that’s the smartest idea you’ve ever heard, people just want to feel valued.

 **Help someone when their back is against the wall and you have a friend for life.** The ladies took me in when I was just a small lad with nothing to my name. Another mouth to feed, too young to earn my keep, and potentially a young fox in a henhouse, seasoned as they may have been. I never forgot that kindness and I worked had to repay it in kind, visiting polite requests for retribution and reciprocity on anyone who hurt any of m’ladies and we did our best to extend it to anyone woman or child who showed up at our doors seeking refuge.   

**Pay attention because power shows the person.** Growing up at the bottom of the ladder, people couldn’t resist the opportunity to strike out at me, knowing I had nowhere to turn. Gentleman callers would come in, beat up the ladies, smack me around a bit. I was little, with not even brute strength to offer. It taught me who was kind; who could be trusted. As I grew older, stronger, smarter and quicker, more people tried to forge bonds with me, but by then I already knew who my friends were. And then I became the King of Bloody England.

 **Try to anticipate their needs.** Whether it’s remembering that the male callers right after the wane moon are more stressed than usual and want to talk more than dally, remembering to go to market because almost all the ladies suddenly crave chocolate and salty crisps on the third week of the month, or knowing that the farmers on the west end had a hard growing season and need extra rations of grain for the winter months, you’ll keep the grumbles down by paying attention to what the people around you need 

**Use humor to deflect and defuse.** Fighting should always be a last resort. Back in the brothel, before I grew, I used humor to confuse, to distract. A chap would be upset and I would smile and joke until he forgot why he was upset when no one else seemed to be. Did the same with the Black Legs, although it was more hit or miss with them. A smile and a ducked head works wonders with the ladies. A sharp joke with the lads. And even now as the king, I prefer to try humor first, because why have enemies when you can have friends. 

The one time none of these worked, well, I was forced to pull a sword out of a stone, but you should be so lucky…


End file.
